Essays of a Scrambled Mind

I've always been a solitary person, never found many likeminded people to talk. While I grew up, books wore my best friends, I could just simply be in a parallel reality. I didn't like my reality, and I loved to escape to them, to my friends, with whom I could be with a likeminded characters or not, but at least I was an observer, not the victim or the perpetrator. In school I had four or five friends, and never made a very strong connection. Not just because those people wore still not my kind and I have terrible issues with trusting people, and letting people inside. In the University I was able to meet very different types of people. I became a party animal because in a ways was addictive to meet so many different people from all the faculties but law and fine art people wore the people that I get most likeminded. I was very happy at that time, but a bit like always, studies wore kind of the bare minimum and yeah, I graduated. Then I ended up entering a master degree, but be...

Today I had this light that lit up inside me, not in a good way, more like a fire that is burning part of me the same way the inquisition used to burn heretics. I was just going through the immense amount of stuff there is in the basement to sort out and choose what to keep and what not, when I was putting things inside of an old closet, and those things wore clothes from my childhood. Suddenly my freakish mind started to co-create and enroll a thought of a fanciful conversation between me and my mother. The discussion was about my childhood clothing, that I didn’t want to keep because I would not have use for it, she answered that it could be for my children. To what I said "I would never have children, only if it was an accident". She looked at me shocked, "why not?", to what I replied "After all the curses that you threw at me while I was growing as a teen of what kind of bad child I would have, I would only have kids if I was stupid". She looked at me ...